Fitness can, at times, suck it.

I'm fairly certain that no one will be surprised to find out that I am not what one might call a Paragon of Physicality.  (Well, I suppose it might shock someone, somewhere.  Maybe in one of those sweet villages where the modern world never interfered and people like HRH Prince Phillip or me could be considered gods.  That's right, me and P-love.  We're boys like that.  Please never tell him that I called him P-love.  Also, never tell the Queen.  She will straight mess my shit up.)  What may surprise you is that my wife (who is nowhere near as imaginary as the Elves in my office.  I promise.  I've even seen her nekkid) is hot as all hell.  That doesn't really have much, if anything, to do with the narrative I'm speaking of here, but it is true.  Like mega-hot.

P. Love.  Tell no one.  

I don't take any sort of perverse joy in being a fatty or anything like that.  It's just always been a bit of a fact of life.  Gravity.  Sunrise.  Fire-breathing mice that live in my nightmares and also my walls.  Being a little on the chubbly side.  (note: "chubbly" is not a typo.  It's a word now.  At least in my head, and therefore soon on the Internet as well.)  These are the core truths of my existence for the purpose of this paragraph.  Lately, however, I've been thinking about the "future" and finding that it's not as nebulous as it was when I was a child, or even in my 20's.  The future is going to be happening on the quick and if I don't beat my body into submission now and show it who the boss is (it's Mona, by the way.  Angela might have paid all the bills but Mona had that whole town locked the eff down.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, well then, shame on you. Also, congratulations on not being raised on 80's sitcoms.) then when the rest of my life realizes that it's in the future I'll have way more work to do.  

I want to be able to run around and play outside with my kids.  My non-existent kids.  They might or might not exist in the future, but if they do I'm going to be ready for those little bastards.  I want to avoid creating a situation where I've got the diabetes or the heart problems.

I've lost about 30 pounds so far this summer.  I'm aiming to lose another 60 by next summer, if I can.  To draw a comparison, my wife was very concerned about her weight.  She needed to lose maybe 10 pounds to be considered healthy.  She's succeeded marvelously and now accompanies my to the gym so that I don't become lonesome and cry.  Or eat ice cream while on the treadmill.  My gym is pretty liberal with stuff like that.

It's been surprisingly easy to do so far.  There are times that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I know that eventually, probably sooner rather than later, my body will get to a point where I've lost all of the "easy" weight and I'll need to start really working hard to lose the rest.  Those are the days I dread.  I mean, I'm going right now on a not-incredibly difficult path.  Watching what I eat with the amazing help of MyFitnessPal (it's a great app.  They're not even paying me to say it.  Who would?  No one has read this blog on anything other than a "Next Blog" moment, I'm sure.  But seriously - if you're looking for something to help your weight loss and you've got a smartphone, get there.  Like now.  On the hop, people.) and hitting the gym somewhere between 1 and 4 times a week.  With that, I've been consistently losing between two and five pounds each week.  Because fat people burn a lot of calories when they run.

Eventually, though, I'm going to have to go that three or four or five times a week and be losing 1 pound a week.  That will feel a lot less motivating, even though it will mean I'm doing better because it's harder for me to lose weight.  Stupid bodies.  Still, I'd rather do it now and make it to my hypothetical children's college graduation than be lazy and die at 50.  Because I would be a horrible ghost.  I'd want to haunt literally everywhere at once and lose direction.  I'd end up just sitting home and playing ghost-games with myself because I couldn't achieve my otherwise noble goals of scaring literally seven billion people at once.

What about you, internet?  How are you feeling about working out?  I was happy that I recently was able to increase my bench press weight and my former max speed on the elliptical trainer is now what I use during my cooldown.  Like a boss.  A sweet, sweet, personable but not sexually-harassing boss.  Ooooooh yeah.