Markatoa - Closet Misogynist?

Alright, it's not really that much of a secret.  Obviously, I hate women.  I mean, why else would I have spent the post-pubescent, pre-marriage years of my life trying to foist my grabbing, disturbingly moist attentions onto them?  Females of the universe, you owe a mighty debt to Ladytoa.  A debt that can never be properly repaid as she has taken it onto herself to deal with all the amazingness that is my love and desperate, clumsy, amateurish "affections."  She likes money as a thank you.  Or video games.  And of course, the booze.

But enough about my abilities to devastate the libidos of the world.  I mean it.  Eventually I'll even become self-conscious about it and then where can I hide?  This blog is already where I go to hide from the rest of the world.

Anyway, Ladytoa saw a picture on the internet (where pictures live these days, after all.) that essentially said "Chivalry isn't dead, it just followed where ever 'Being Ladylike' went."  This led me to thinking.  Unfortunate as that may be for all of us about why those two concepts present a problem in this day and age.  As always, I blame the children.

People are so damned concerned with not being labelled that they do things just to be contrary.  Or get offended when offered help.  Like trying to be polite is somehow a backhanded insult because a lady could never possibly open her own door, or lift that heavy thing or stand on the subway when your ass is in a perfectly good seat.

You know what, though, women of the world?  I don't care.  I know that you're perfectly capable of all of those things.  In fact, I'd be willing to bet cold hard cash that you could probably perform any of those deeds way more efficiently than could I with my floppy noodle arms and waves of vertigo that assault me when I think of anything other than Cheetohs.

However, just because you can do a thing doesn't mean that you should have to do that thing.

Thanks for the wisdom, Dr. Malcolm.

(the above bad joke brought to you by...Jurassic Park.  Back in theaters, in 3D!)

Now, the thing is I understand that these ideas are pretty firmly rooted in a sexist view of the world.  You know the one.  The one that says women need to be protected and that you should treat them nicer than you treat other men, because.  Well, because of ladies that's why.

Now here's the thing (you knew there was a thing.  There's always a thing with me.  Sometimes it has to do with Thomas the Tank Engine, sometimes it has to do with my love of black cherry gelato.  You can never tell with me.  I'm a wild man) - I understand that there's no reason for this behavior except for the fact that the other people in this equation are women.  I know that and I'm ok with it.  Because it's polite.  Because even though the implication is there if you look for it (not too hard, mind you but you still have to look a little) that these poor, frail girls couldn't handle it on their own we all know that isn't true.  But it's still nice and it's still how you're raised.

Now this wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that some of the people in the world go around looking to have fights.  And if those people were looking to have fights just to have an excuse to sing "Anything you can do, I can do better" that would be fine.  But most often, these same people who complain when you hold a door are the same people who complain that "real, polite gentlemen" don't exist anymore and that the world has been populated by barely-sapient pigs.

You know the ones.

But you can't realistically complain about a behavior disappearing when you are also simultaneously complaining that the behavior objectifies you and you hate it.

I, for one, do my best to be a gentleman.  It requires a little forethought and forces you to be courteous when you would maybe rather be selfish.  I would also say that rather than denigrating women and their valuable contributions to society that trying to treat them well in general is done as a mark of honor and respect.

Of course, thanks to the 1990's telling us that men and women are from different planets and will never, ever understand each other in any useful way (with the possible exception of full-on, nasty rage-sex) I don't think we'll ever defeat this impasse.  So, we'll just end as we began.  Do I for real hate women?  Of course not.  But I remain (and am proud, in this very specific case only, to be.) Markatoa, Closet Misogynist.